Gulf Pine Catholic

Gulf Pine Catholic • March 22, 2019 17 18. Ryan T. Anderson. “The Consequences of Redefining Marriage.” Address at Salt Lake Community College. (March 31, 2014) 19. Edith Stein. “Ethos of Woman’s Professions” in Essays on Women, p. 44. 20. Erica Komisar, Being There . Decades of research “confirms the more time a woman can devote to the joy and job of mothering a child in the first three years, “the better the chance her child will be emotionally secure and healthy throughout his life.” 21. Bishop Thomas J. Olmsted. Into the Breach . (2015). laypeople in our diocese, are reliable, relationship- building tools. There is also a challenge with NFP. Specifically, NFP requires periodic abstinence from the marital act. 62. Periodic abstinence from the marital act does not mean periodic abstinence from love! In fact, at times abstinence is a requirement of love in a marriage. Abstinence is an opportunity to learn to love each other in a myriad of other ways. In fact, respecting the God- designed cycle of fertility reliably strengthens the marital relationship with the benefits of self-control, understanding and mutual respect. Is this a challenge? Certainly. Does it involve suffering? Yes, at times. Yet as the saints show us, suffering, well-lived and offered to God, brings surprising joy. More about this in section IV. 63. The suffering of temporary or even permanent infertility should be mentioned here. This particular cross is among the heaviest for a couple, and the temp- tation to access illicit technological means to conceive a child, such as in vitro fertilization, can be intense. But this grasping at life causes further harm, is intrinsically evil, and must not be used. It violates the equal dignity of the child, who, like his parents, is always a gift and not a means to some other end; nor is he a “product” to be purchased. I highly recommend Natural Procreative Technology ( NAPRO ), developed at the Paul VI Institute, for moral medical means of increasing the natural possibilities of conception, and assuring that the nature of child as gift from God is respected. 64. The fundamental issue here is trust. Trusting God in all things, including His care for the needs of your family and each child that blesses your home with his or her arrival, is at the heart of your family’s mis- sion. Masculine and Feminine Difference Matters 65. Masculinity and femininity in the family are part of God’s remarkable plan. Man and woman image God together, and His plan is for both motherhood and fatherhood to thrive in the family. While it is popular to speak of “parenting” in a vague way, this 20th Century neologism is not terribly helpful. Both women and men are parents, but while they may perform some of the same tasks, they are not generic contributors to the child’s welfare. Ryan T. Anderson states, referring to the mountain of corresponding sociological evidence available, “There’s no such thing as parenting in the abstract; there’s mothering and there’s fathering, and children do best with both.” 18 AMother’s Particular Gifts to the Family 66. Let us consider first the love of a wife and mother. Husbands and children need the unique femi- nine gifts that can only come from the one who is wife and mother in the family. 67. Scripture, in many ways, acknowledges the god- liness of maternal love. In the prophecy of Isaiah, God’s love is compared to that of a mother when the Lord says, “As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.” (Is. 66:13) 68. To know the women saints is to know that these great saints and doctors of the Church have given wit- ness to what is now called the “feminine genius.” Here I wish to present to you the heroic example and thought of St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross, whose pursuit of truth and love led her to conversion to Christ and to martyrdom in the Auschwitz concentration camp. A brilliant philosopher, Teresa Benedicta contemplated God’s design for femininity remarkably. In a simple and profound sentence, she wrote, “a woman’s soul is fashioned as a shelter in which other souls may unfold.” 69. St. Teresa Benedicta also wrote, “Woman natu- rally seeks to embrace that which is living, personal, and whole. To cherish, guard, protect, nourish and advance growth is her natural, maternal yearning.” 19 This uniquely feminine way of seeing the whole- ness of the human person is a great gift, not only to the family, but to the world. By the presence of these uniquely feminine gifts of nurturing and relationality, a woman can be a ‘spiritual mother’ even if she does not have children of her own. If the destiny of our lives is an eternal relationship of love in the Most Holy Trinity, the wisdom of feminine love is an essential witness in family life. As Proverbs says, “reject not your mother’s teaching; a graceful diadem will they be for your head; a pendant for your neck.” (Prov. 1:8-9) 70. Dear daughters in Christ, the worth, dignity and genius inherent to you is irreplaceable in your family. . . . the worth, dignity and genius inherent to you is irreplaceable in your family. 71. Ask the Lord for all the grace you need to live out your calling to holiness. Only you can offer your husband the respect that St. Paul speaks of in his letter to the Ephesians. Only you can offer the motherly love your children need. We know this even more convinc- ingly now as recent psychological research indicates that the mother alone has the power to truly comfort and stabilize a child, especially during the first years of a child’s life. 20 72. I have here a challenge for you and your hus- band, which I offer knowing you will have to consider, in some cases, remarkable sacrifice. Be at home while your children are young. Where possible, put other work off during this time of necessary imbalance when your children need most to absorb your motherly pres- ence and the unconditional love you more naturally provide. This time goes so quickly, and once gone, can- not be recaptured. Never doubt that there is no greater “job” in all the world than to be the first to form and nurture the mind, heart and soul of your child. 73. G.K. Chesterton, the famous English writer and convert, wrote memorably of your irreplaceable role: “To be Queen Elizabeth within a definite area, deciding sales, banquets, labours, and holidays; (…) to be Aristotle within a certain area, teaching morals, man- ners, theology, and hygiene; I can imagine how this can exhaust the mind, but I cannot imagine how it could narrow it. How can it be a large career to tell other people about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone and narrow to be everything to someone? No, a woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute.” 74. Your prayers also carry a special weight before Him who answered His own mother’s concerns at the Wedding in Cana. Only you can love your own children from the full depth of your feminine heart. God has willed it so. A Father’s Mission in the Family 75. Husbands and fathers, you too have an irre- placeable mission. There is a security and stability that only you can give your family. This will only bless your family to the extent that you fulfill your role as pro- vider, protector and spiritual leader. 21 There is a security and stability that only you can give your family. 76. As lead (if not sole) provider of the income needed to sustain the family, you shoulder a burden that frees your wife to be present to you and to your children, particularly when they are young. Sacrifices of the larger home, the extra vehicle or vacation are nothing compared to the precious gift of your children having their mother’s presence to them in the home. Do all you can to assure this, or to move in this direction in close dialogue with your wife. Some of you, I know, sacrifice more than luxuries. I commend you. Pray that as your spiritual father I will match your level of sacri- fice for the children God has entrusted to me. Some of you husbands are suffering through unemployment or job insecurity at this time. Trust in God; seek good friendships of men who can come alongside you, and take necessary steps to provide even if outside your normal field for a time. I am praying for you. 77. You are also the primary protector of your fam- ily. What does this mean? It means you are the seawall against the storms that threaten from inside and outside. While your wife’s attention is more naturally focused on the relationships within and threats. This is a gift to your family. Protect them, Dad! These threats take various forms: of special note at this time in history, the threat of overuse of technology and the always evil problem of pornography come to mind. Do what you must to protect the precious time, peace, unity and healthy imaginations of your family. Your denying a smart-phone to a teenager is no sin -- any suffering from an unpopular decision now will be repaid a hun- dred-fold by a grateful adult son or daughter down the road, and even if not then, in Heaven. Other threats, known better to you than to me, are your responsibility as well, along with positive encouragement toward new, healthy experiences, challenging opportunities of charity, service and work, and even encouraging risks for personal growth. All this you deeply impact as a father. SEE COMPLETE MY JOY, PAGE 18