Gulf Pine Catholic

6 Gulf Pine Catholic • July 7, 2023 When I was recently visiting with friends, a group of young girls was playing in a neighboring yard. Every few minutes, for more than an hour, one of them would scream at the very top of her lungs. A woman in our group finally commented, “When I was a kid, if I ever screamed like that, Mom would have pulled me aside and said, ‘Don’t you dare raise your voice like that in public!’” In another episode more recently, I saw two young people, maybe 16 years old, rush out of a home. A girl with pink hair and tattoos was following a guy, yell- ing at him and saying, “Don’t get into that car! Don’t even think of leaving!”As he got into the car and started to back up, she began pounding her fists on the driver side window, letting out a series of expletives. Next, she placed herself right in front of the car and began to beat the hood. Then she got up onto the hood and started to pummel the windshield, screaming a barrage of profan- ities. By this time, other vehicles had stopped. When the girl stepped aside from the car for a moment, the driver sped off. She took off after him, running down the road, waving her arms and yelling hysterically. In a middle class residential family neighborhood, I was surprised to witness such an occurrence. In discuss- ing it with a couple of bystanders, one offered, “I guess you just chalk it up to their being teenagers.” Another countered, “When I was growing up, even teens knew they couldn’t engage in a spectacle like that.” Seeing it firsthand made me wonder where the par- ents were, and whether as a society, we are trending more and more towards “lowest common denominator” standards and behaviors. How concerned should we be when indignation, rage and narcis- sism replace civility and a common moral code? Not only are young people caught up in these concerns, but society itself seems to be grap- pling with them ever more broadly. R.J. Snell gets it right when he says that we shouldn’t be “com- plaining about kids these days, since it’s not the kids who are the root of the problem: it is the duty of a coher- ent society, coherent religion, and coherent family structure to provide a moral horizon. This is the fault of the adults, those who refused the grave obligation to offer tradition to the young.” How is it that we sometimes fail to set a moral vision for the next generation? Kids are endowed with some of the finest hypocrisy-detecting systems in the world, and when Catholic parents, to pick a relevant example, drop off their children at the parish for Catechism, but do not themselves attend weekly Mass, the children cannot fail to notice the disconnect. Similarly, when a Catholic par- ent continues to live in an irregular marital situation, or picks and chooses from among the Lord’s teachings, the mixed messaging pops up quickly on children’s moral radar. Consistency and coherence are key parental traits for transmitting robust values to children. Another is parental fortitude. As children are pulled sideways by schools, false ideologies and other societal forces that undermine family life and sound parenting, setting a moral vision for one’s children can be a Her- culean task requiring enormous dedication. I often think back to the strength and determination of my parents as I was growing up, battling not only me as a willful teen, but also pushing back against many of these broader currents and challenges around them. While parents may sometimes deserve blame for the shortcomings of their children, many times they do not. Parenting is no easy endeavor and parents are often- times unsung heroes. When young people witness their parents standing firm and practicing their faith by serving the Lord and others, they are more likely to take their own spiritual and religious identities seriously, becoming empowered to make significant sacrifices for others. They also are strengthened to be able to make intentional moral deci- sions and to direct their behaviors in ordered ways. Parents who set a moral vision for themselves and their children build up the life of the family. As kids experience the joys of a family life not governed by the insatiable demands of their own desires, they can con- tribute to building a neighborhood and a world where narcissism and the “lowest common denominator” are replaced by goodness, generosity, right order and peace of heart. Rev. Tadeusz Pacholczyk, Ph.D. earned his doctor- ate in neuroscience from Yale and did post-doctoral work at Harvard. He is a priest of the diocese of Fall River, MA, and serves as the Director of Education at The National Catholic Bioethics Center in Philadel- phia. See www.ncbcenter.org and www.fathertad.com . Making Sense of Bioethics Fr. Pacholczyk Setting a moral vision as parents On July 6, we celebrated the Feast of St. Maria Goretti, who died on that date in 1902 at age 11 after suffering a brutal attack by 20-year-old Alessandro Serenelli. On her deathbed, Maria forgave Alessandro, an act that inspired him to convert while he was in prison for his crime, setting him on a course of penance and service to God for the rest of his life. The Gorettis and Serenellis were sharecroppers liv- ing in the same house in the Italian countryside outside of Rome. Alessandro betrayed the trust that existed between their families by trying to rape Maria. When she resisted, he stabbed her multiple times in a fit of rage. Their parents returned home to find the horrible crime that had occurred, and Maria was rushed to the nearest hospital in the town of Nettuno. She died a day later after having declared her forgiveness for Alessandro and her desire for him to be with her in heaven. Alessandro was sentenced to 30 years in prison. He spent the first three years of his sentence unrepentant, but then he began to correspond with Monsignor Giovanni Blandini, a local priest who visited him in jail. Alessandro informed Monsignor Blandini that Maria had appeared to him in a dream in which she gave him lilies that burned to ash in his hands. Upon being released from prison, Alessandro went to Maria’s still-living mother and begged her forgiveness, which she granted, saying that if Maria could forgive him, she could do no less. The next day, they attended Mass together and received Holy Communion side by side. Alessandro went on to become a lay Capuchin Brother of the Order of Friars Minor. He lived in a monas- tery and worked as a receptionist and gardener until his death in 1970 at the age of 87. It seems clear that Alessandro’s path to God was only made possible by Maria’s forgiveness, which revealed to him the immense mercy of God. His dream of her giv- ing him lilies seems to represent his realization of the pro- found gift of her mercy. And when they turned to ash, it seems he was realizing the state of his own soul and his need for repentance. In Maria’s gift of mercy she reveals the mercy that we must all continually seek to reveal to the world. Christ demonstrated this mercy for us in His prayer from the cross, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” It is not about ignoring the reality of evil, but rather about mercy for those caught up in evil. Christ shows us that mercy is sometimes the only way to rescue those who have gone astray. And we know what Christ says about those who have gone astray. He says, “Which one of you, having a hundred sheep and losing one of them, does not leave the ninety- nine in the wilderness and go after the one that is lost until he finds it?” In forgiving Alessandro from her deathbed, Maria fol- lowed in the footsteps of Christ on the cross and helped Alessandro find his way to God. By showing him mercy, she was being like Christ, the good shepherd, who goes after the sheep that has been lost. This is the kind of love we must have for all people despite the wrong they may do. We must be constantly looking for ways to show them Christ’s mercy to inspire a change of heart and call them home to God. Fr. Ed Dougherty, M.M., serves on The Christo- phers’Board of Directors. For a free copy of the Chris- topher News Note, GOOD SPORTSMANSHIP, write: The Christophers, 5 Hanover Square, New York, NY 10004; or e-mail: mail@christophers.org . The gift of mercy Light One Candle Fr. Dougherty